Relationships, Jessica's Posts
Becky White George
Togetherness and Separateness

In therapy, I frequently work with couples who have focused on togetherness and might have neglected separateness, or vice versa. We can spend so much time and energy strengthening our relationships that our own individuation can get neglected.  Here’s some of what I’ve learned from working with couples

Togetherness and Separateness
Root to Rise Therapy's Posts, Self Care & Mindfulness
Becky White George
The Importance of Letting Go

September is here. This bittersweet mix of summer ending and autumn beginning brings a wave of nostalgia, making it a natural time for gentle reflection. Just as the seasons shift, we can soften into letting go, practicing forgiveness, and beginning anew.

The Importance of Letting Go
Monica's Posts, Relationships
Becky White George
Best Tips for LDRs

Entering a long-distance relationship often feels like an emotional whirlwind - anxiety, worry, sadness, excitement. Whether you’re beginning your relationship long-distance or transitioning into it, the experience can be a major adjustment.

Best Tips for LDRs
Lauren's Posts, Trauma and Mental Health
Becky White George
EMDR or Talk Therapy

If you’ve ever found yourself thinking, “I understand why I feel like this, but I still feel stuck,” you’re not alone. Insight can be powerful because it helps us make connections and understand ourselves in new ways. But sometimes, no matter how much we talk through things, the same reactions keep coming up. This is usually a sign we’re dealing with something deeper, where EMDR can really help.

EMDR or Talk Therapy
Helene's Posts, Trauma and Mental Health
Becky White George
What if My Thoughts Are Dangerous?

If you’ve ever had a thought so disturbing it made your stomach drop, you’re not alone. Most people occasionally experience random, intrusive thoughts like imagining pushing someone into traffic, blurting something offensive, or even harming a loved one. These thoughts come and go without much weight. But for people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they aren’t as temporary. The thoughts tend to stick, sparking fear, doubt and spirals of self-questioning.

What if My Thoughts Are Dangerous?
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Conflict in Friendships

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Conflict in Friendships

The first big heartbreak of my life was a friend breakup when I was 16. The story is about as classic as it gets: childhood friends, awkward middle school years, different high school friend groups, and a crippling fear of confrontation coupled with a need for acceptance. You can imagine the betrayal I felt when I soon learned she had a birthday party the previous week and told people not to mention it to me. However, instead of expressing my hurt and embarrassment, my 16 year old self simply stopped being friends with her and never told her why. I think back to this friendship often and wish I had the tools to share my feelings and gain some sense of closure and understanding. In reality, however, I’m not sure if many of us have tools that are much more effective in handling friendship conflicts in adulthood!

Here are 5 tips for working through conflicts in adult friendships that we may have never learned:

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Virtual Therapy

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Virtual Therapy

Online therapy has gained popularity since advances in technology platforms such as Zoom. Online therapy is synonymous with virtual therapy, which includes video platforms for services. During the start of the pandemic, a time marked by uncertainty and unprecedented changes, many people needed to give virtual therapy a chance. Virtual therapy is here to stay because it is a highly beneficial form of treatment.

I have supported people from across California. Often, my clients who tried virtual sessions preferred it and found it extremely helpful in the long term. Clients and I share an equally solid connection when meeting virtually. Sometimes we have found it even more effective in quickly getting to know each other and starting the therapeutic work. It has reduced many barriers (and excuses!) to not begin or do therapy consistently. It is now my preferred way to conduct therapy sessions!

Virtual therapy is here to stay because it is a highly beneficial form of treatment. Here are a few significant benefits:

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Adult Friendships

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Adult Friendships

When we’re younger, we have the built-in structure of school to introduce us to other children and adolescents our age. And let’s face it, adults can be more judgmental and closed-off than most children. The fear of judgment or rejection stops so many of us from putting ourselves out there, thus watching friendships dwindle in adulthood is incredibly common. However, we still need friendships now as much as we did as children.

When I googled “adult friendships”, the three most searched questions that came up were “Is it normal to not have friends in adulthood?” “Is it harder to make friends as you age?” and “How do 25-year-olds make friends?” These questions are so frequently Googled and so infrequently asked IRL. So why are so many of us experiencing this trend, and what can we do?

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Decision Making

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Decision Making

In a world filled with uncertainty, division, and endless options, making decisions is more complicated than ever. Many of my clients struggle with decision-making, spanning from something as minute as what lunchbox to purchase for their kids, to bigger questions such as whether to end a relationship or what career path to take.

Decision-making requires us to confront our humanity and build self-agency, which can present us with challenges and fears of failure or regret. Whether you have been struggling with day-to-day decisions or long-term life choices, here are some tools to help reshape your relationship to decision-making and overcome decision-making distress.

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Couple's Conflict

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Couple's Conflict

It’s Never about the Tacos

We’ve all been there: those tiny trivial triggers that lead to big blow-up fights. Sitting across the table from each other with scattered taco fixings between you, wrist deep in guacamole, fighting about who left the spoon in the sour cream. Luckily, my husband and I were able to break down and process the The Great Taco Fight of 2022, and get to the core of what was going on. And you would never have guessed (or maybe you would): all the different ways we were triggered that had nothing to do with tacos (ex: I was hangry, he felt unappreciated, etc, etc.) The good news for all of us (myself included) is that couples therapy is a wonderful opportunity to explore these faster-than-the-speed-of-light escalations.

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Marriage Counseling

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Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is needed when couples continue to run into the same distressing communication issues or the same problems over and over again, maybe with a slightly different disguise. Oftentimes, we make negative assumptions about the other person’s intentions. In counseling you’ll have an opportunity to practice healthy communication by learning new ways to express your feelings when you’re hurt, and start listening to understand your partner’s perspective. You do not need to have experienced extreme distress to seek marriage counseling. In fact, if you are reading this blog and are interested in improving communication and closeness in your relationship, couples counseling will likely be beneficial.

Marriage counseling can help with trust issues, infidelity, parenting issues, relationship ambivalence, codependency, intimacy issues, financial disagreements, and can also offer a safe space for premarital couples to work out some of these issues before they marry.

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Your Worst Enemy

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Your Worst Enemy

The “double-edged sword” is the concept that the same qualities and characteristics about your personality that make you kickass at work, can also hurt you in your personal life. The very thing that makes you so successful at work can also get the way in your intimate relationships.

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Boundaries

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Boundaries

As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and someone who constantly seeks growth and understanding of the human condition, I find that breaking down boundary setting into three components is a useful way to guide clients through the process.

The three steps are: Identification, Assertion, and Enforcement.

Step 1– Identify Your Boundaries

How do you build a home without a blueprint? How do you know where to place the windows for others to look in through, or the doors to let them inside? How solid is the foundation and the support of the walls protecting you inside? In order to set boundaries, we need to know what our boundaries are! I like to break down boundaries into physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, time-related… the list can go on! Once I have identified the various levels of boundaries, I connect to my intuition and ask myself questions such as, “How would I like to feel in the presence of others?”, “What are my limits?”, “How do I want to be talked to?”, “How much of my time am I willing to give without sacrificing my own well-being?”, etc. Once I have clearly defined my personal boundaries, I have more clarity on how to communicate them to others.

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Estranged Parents

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Estranged Parents

If a friend came to you for advice about how to move forward in a relationship that was causing them continual distress and pain, what advice would you give them? If you’ve been in therapy before, you’d probably encourage them to start by communicating their feelings. If that doesn’t work, setting boundaries would most likely be the next course of action. If the boundaries were not respected and your friend continued to be hurt, you would start to hint at ending the relationship. This advice feels relatively straightforward in a romantic or companion relationship. But what happens if the relationship that is causing continual distress and pain is with a parent? Does the course of action change? This very question comes up in therapy sessions with adult children regularly, yet rarely without some sense of guilt or shame. In reality, around 27% of adults experience family estrangement that either they or another family member initiates (Karl Pillemer, Fault Lines). So much of the stigma surrounding family estrangement is based upon the assumption that our parents being in our lives is always the best option for our mental health. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If you are an adult child struggling with having an estranged relationship with a parent, here are some important things to remember:

 

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