Imposter Syndrome is a psychological pattern where individuals downplay their accomplishments, skills, or talents, and suffer persistent fear that they will be exposed as a ‘fraud’ despite having clear evidence of their competence
Imposter Syndrome
Fundamental Attribution Error
Fundamental attribution error refers to the tendency people have to attribute another’s actions to their characteristics or personality and attribute their own behavior to external situational factors outside of their control.
Levels of Validation
We all want to feel valid in our experience—and for our partner to acknowledge it.
As a therapist, one of the most effective tools I teach couples is how to practice validation.
Once they start actively strengthening their validation muscle, emotional security can be nurtured. This is because validation in a relationship increases trust, strengthens empathy, and creates space for vulnerability.
Risk-taking in Relationships
One of my favorite stages in a relationship is what I call the “couch stage.” You’ve been together for enough time now that every hangout doesn’t have to be planned and you can spend a day (or days…) just relaxing on the couch together feeling that sense of comfort and safety. For so many of us, that sense of security and safety is so relieving that it feels tempting to stay in that cozy bubble forever, not letting anything in that could threaten that experience.
Bids for Connection
The phrase “bids for connection” was coined by husband and wife couples therapy powerhouse Julie and John Gottman. A “bid for connection” is any attempt for connection made by one person to another. These bids can be verbal, non-verbal, overt, or covert. We make countless bids for connection throughout our days within all of our relationships. For this blog post, we are going to focus on how this applies to our romantic relationships.
Behaviors and Identity
Through much of my work with clients, I understand the importance of creating a distinction between behaviors and identity. In a recent session, a client expressed the cognitive dissonance they were experiencing due to the polarity of respecting and admiring their partner yet finding their current behaviors to be very off-putting. Having an awareness of the duality of a person’s character and behaviors can go a long way in increasing compassion, understanding, and communication.
Conversation Vs Confrontation
Confrontation is an intimidating concept for many people. It often brings about feelings of fear, anxiety, and dread. I can’t count how many people I’ve heard refer to themselves as “non-confrontational” or that they “hate confrontation.” So why do so many of us feel that it’s an integral component of communicating our needs?
Doubling Up on Therapy
Some of the most common first-session questions I hear in couple therapy are, “How long is this going to take?” and “How can we make the most of our time together?” In typical therapist fashion, my answer is usually a variation of “It depends” and to answer the questions with more questions, but I do share my observations from past experiences.
Getting What You Want
People oftentimes feel that in order to maintain a healthy relationship, they can’t be assertive. This mindset can lead to feeling walked all over or taken advantage of, causing the relationship to feel one-sided. The good news is, this doesn’t have to be the case! Let’s talk about a behavioral strategy that will help you advocate for what you want in order to maintain healthy and mutually beneficial relationships.