Kalie's posts, Self Care & Mindfulness
Becky White George
Living Intentionally

You're an active participant in your life, not a passive bystander. You’re connected to your body, your emotions, your time, and your values. That connection helps you move through life in a way that actually feels like living.

Living Intentionally
Jessica's Posts, Relationships
Becky White George
Relationship Changes: How to Adapt

In all relationships, life occurs, and shifts happen outside of and inside the couple unit. As much as we may want to protect our relationship bubble from outside influences, we are not immune to the climate around us. If we expect to be the same people, with the same life, and the same experiences throughout a long-term relationship, we are actually setting ourselves up to be especially vulnerable to the impact of both external pressures and internal change. Change will happen. The adage of change being the only constant is especially true when navigating relationship changes. So how do we navigate them together, instead of growing apart?

Relationship Changes: How to Adapt
Ali's Posts, Relationships
Becky White George
Long-Distance: How to Last

When previously romantic long distance relationships depended on idealization, pining, and pen-pal style correspondences, these days, LDRs contain as many emotional, logistical, and relational challenges as more geographically convenient connections, compounded by the added variable of physical distance.  Because of this growing access to romantic partners across the world, long distance relationship advice, support, and communication tips for couples navigating love across the globe have never been more needed.

Long-Distance: How to Last
Monica's Posts, Therapy: Getting Started
Becky White George
Couples Therapy: What to Expect

Does taking the plunge into couples therapy feel a bit exciting, yet also intimidating? If that’s the case, you’re not alone and that feeling is actually very common. This is an experience that can really test you and your relationship, while also strengthening it in a way you’ve always wanted.

Couples Therapy: What to Expect
Self Care & Mindfulness, Helene's Posts
Becky White George
Can't Relax?

If you’ve ever wondered, “Why can’t I just relax?”, especially when nothing’s wrong, you’re not alone. For a lot of us, especially those who’ve spent years in go-mode, real rest doesn’t feel natural. In fact, it can feel kind of… uncomfortable.

Can't Relax?

Rest is Productive

Rest is Productive

As I type out these words, I find myself feeling overwhelmingly tired and in need of rest (in part due to the record-breaking heat wave taking over Los Angeles)… and so, I find it fitting to write about my experience. In this oppressive heat, I feel an all-encompassing sense of fatigue, trouble concentrating, eyelids drooping, and muscles feeling immensely heavy as I melt into the couch. Do these sensations sound familiar? As humans, we all need rest. That much is clear. So why do so many of us have such a hard time allowing ourselves to stop, slow down, and rest?

Over the years I’ve heard, and likely uttered, phrases such as, “I don’t have time to rest,” “I have too many things to do,” “I have no reason to feel tired,” “I don’t want to be lazy,” “I feel guilty when I rest,” and so on.

The way our capitalistic society requires us to operate is ultimately not sustainable. We are not computers… and even our computers need time to recharge! —and, to add to this metaphor, even a fully charged computer will begin to overheat and freeze up if it’s running too many applications at once!

Let’s start by reframing rest as productive—and move forward from there.

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Toxic Positivity

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Toxic Positivity

Have you ever confided in someone about a vulnerable topic, only to be met with some variation of “Don’t be sad” or “It’ll be okay!” While well-intentioned, these responses can be more harmful than helpful.

A couple of weeks ago, I realized I was in a funk. I started sharing my experience with a friend after working up the courage to ask for support, who immediately launched into a very cheery explanation of everything that makes her feel better that ended with “You’ll feel better in no time!” After the conversation, I was left feeling withdrawn and confused. Why had this made me feel worse? The advice she gave me (journaling, positive affirmations, headspace shifting, and exercise) was exactly what I would and have recommended to clients and friends. On top of that, I know she was trying so hard to help me and I felt ungrateful. The problem was, I KNEW all of the advice she gave me already, but it’s really hard to “just shift your headspace” or “just think positively” when you’re struggling to get out of bed. Whether or not it was her intention, the subtext I heard was that the way I was feeling was a choice I was making and I should just snap out of it.

When I first heard the term “toxic positivity,” it felt like an oxymoron. How could positivity be toxic?

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I'm FINE

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I'm FINE

It’s 7 PM on a Tuesday and your partner asks, “How are you? How was your day?” You stop to consider how to answer the question. You do a quick scan of your body and try to remember the day. Your neck is hurting from sitting at the computer, thoughts swirling in your head about that salty interaction you and your partner had that morning that went unaddressed, you just got a panicked text from your mother who needs you to call her immediately, you are annoyed with yourself for eating the peanut m & m’s when you said you wouldn’t, and to boot, you were up half the night stressing about a work project, so you were completely exhausted the entire day.

So, when your partner asks “How are you?” all you are able to muster up is the answer “I’m fine. It was fine.”

I’ve heard a few acronyms to describe the word FINE. F=Fucked Up, I= Insecure, N=Neurotic, and E=Emotional.

I also heard that FINE stands for Feelings Inside Not Expressed- a slightly more compassionate description. In my example above, from the neck pain to the disappointment in myself for eating the M & Ms, to the salty interaction from the morning, there were many feelings happening that were not being said.

Attachment Styles

Attachment Styles

Working with a therapist can help you address and reflect on lingering issues from childhood that might be impacting your ability to form secure and meaningful relationships as an adult. It can help you develop a sense of security as an individual that can be carried over into your relationships with others. Your therapist can act as that secure base, listening attentively and non-judgmentally as you take a deep dive into this journey of your past and self-exploration.

A benefit of this work can be focusing on understanding and rebuilding your trust in others and the world around you, as well as learning techniques to understand how to set clear boundaries with yourself and others. Working with your therapist, you can learn to “re-parent” yourself with love and compassion, and that can help you realize your purpose and replace those fearful thoughts associated with abandonment and being hurt by others.

Attachment theory recognizes four different types of attachment: anxious, avoidant, fearful-avoidant, and secure.

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Coping with Illness

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Coping with Illness

Flakey pie crust bakes in the oven and the aroma of cheese and tarragon wafts around me as I sit in my kitchen nook at sunset. Since childhood, the veggie pot pie has been one of my favorite dishes. I am instantly comforted whenever I smell it cooking in the oven. When I’m feeling under the weather, I find comfort in nostalgic smells.

I finally got COVID. After being quite cautious during the last 2.5 years of the pandemic, I was frustrated to ultimately get COVID simply from going about my everyday routine. When I get acutely sick, I tend to go through rapid stages of the grief cycle.*

First, I tend to go into an initial denial phase and tell myself, "oh, I am just tired," and then push forward with my responsibilities at home and with my virtual work.

Second, I get angry and think, "Oh, no. I might be sick. How could I let myself get sick at a time like this?!"

And after the anger subsides, the bargaining comes: "If I can get better super quick…like in the next day…I promise I will do more meditation and yoga, improve my sleep and reduce my stress level so that I don't get sick again."

Then comes the depression when the symptoms quicken, as I mope in bed and think, "Life is terrible. I am unhappy. What am I doing with my life? How did I get here? I don't care about anything anymore. I am so unmotivated. Am I depressed? Have I been depressed for months and not realized it? Nothing brings me joy anymore." Walking my dog and smiling with my latte just a few days prior now feel like a distant memory. The depression phase tends to be the longest as I lay in bed, and it feels like I have been this down and having these low thoughts for years.

I must decide during the depression phase to move into acceptance. The decision is to recognize that this pain and discomfort are temporary and that suffering and the depressive state are optional. I start to recall monks who meditate with discomfort and pain in the heat on top of a mountain. The sun will move from the hill, the day will cool, and the sweat will subside. Everything is temporary.

As time passes, I start to move into greater acceptance.

Here are five tips that helped me move forward from depression to acceptance to coping with acute illness, and eventually renewed joy:

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Licensed Therapist

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Licensed Therapist

Before beginning the process of applying to grad school, I couldn’t have confidently told you the difference between a therapist, a counselor, a psychologist, and a social worker. The deeper I dove, the more titles were introduced: AMFT, LMFT, APCC, LPCC, LCSW, PhD, PsyD… Needless to say, I was confused. Now, after graduate school, practicums, internships, and a lot of studying in between, I can proudly say that I am a Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist (LMFT) at Root to Rise Therapy, which employs both Associate Marriage & Family Therapists (AMFTs, who are pre-licensed) and LMFTs. There are benefits to working with both, and I can wholeheartedly recommend every therapist at our practice. For more information about our amazing AMFTs you can read their bios and check out this past blog post about the benefits of working with an AMFT.

For this post, I will focus on 5 key benefits of working with an LMFT:

Anxiety Reduction

Anxiety Reduction

Uh oh. You’ve found yourself in an anxiety-producing situation. Your heart begins to race, you begin to sweat, your breathing starts to quicken and your first thought is “I have to get out of this!.” Or maybe you’re not even in this situation yet; you’re just anticipating the anxiety to come. So what is this pesky feeling we call anxiety and how can we help ease it? Let’s first establish that feeling anxious is completely normal! If you think about the purpose of anxiety, it is to help you defend yourself. For example, if you see a bear in the woods, your anxiety would kick into gear and trigger your fight-or-flight response, to tell you that you need to get out of there! In that case, the anxiety is helpful in defending yourself; but what about in a job interview, or an exam? Do you need to be in an elevated fight-or-flight state for that type of situation? No, and your body knows that too. It is incredibly exhausting for the body and mind to maintain such high levels of arousal, and they will naturally try to bring themselves back to a normal state.

Relaxation skills and exercises are some of the most helpful techniques we can use to calm our stress response. What I love about these exercises is that most of them can be used discreetly in public, and they immediately help you regain control of your body. Here are my top 4 tools for managing anxiety in the moment, so that you can self-soothe, get yourself out of that fight or flight mode, and bring yourself back to calm.

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Post Covid Stress

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Post Covid Stress

I miss how I experienced my life Before The Pandemic or “BTP”. These days, my concept of time sometimes revolves around BTP and life After The Pandemic, or “ATP.”

I miss those long embracing hugs when first seeing a family member. I miss leaning in toward a friend at a coffee shop table and looking into their eyes as they share a story. I miss physical intimacy without the fear of getting sick. I miss signing up for workout classes at a local studio, sweating next to a workout friend, and feeling that shared sense of energetic community, without the fear that someone’s sweat will drip onto me and spread the virus.

BTP life used to feel balanced, joyful, harmonic, and expansive, whereas life ATP feels imbalanced, blah, chaotic, and cautiously small. It takes daily intentional effort to bring myself into balance and feel joy, harmony, and expansiveness.

As I write this, I am aware that I may be experiencing some of the symptoms of what mental health professionals are calling post-COVID stress or languishing. Some people have returned to a new normal and to the activities and routines they did BTP, including returning to work in person, hanging out often with friends and family, going to restaurants and events, attending workout classes, and traveling. Others, including myself, may continue to live a cautious lifestyle that looks noticeably different from BTP. Even if you have externally returned to BTP daily activities, you may relate inwardly to some of these post-COVID stress disorder symptoms.

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Self Compassion

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Self Compassion

I went on my first silent meditation retreat about 10 years ago. Fairly new to meditating, I was nervous for many reasons, but my friend encouraged me to come along with her and I nervously accepted her challenge. I’m glad I did, because at this retreat I learned my first pivotal lesson on the importance of self-compassion.

When you get to the retreat center, the first thing you do is hand over your electronics like your phone, tablet, laptop, etc. This was *incredibly scary* for me. At the time, my dad was ill, and I made arrangements with my mom that she could call the retreat center if anything came up that I needed to know about. But the idea of disconnecting in this way made me feel like the ground was about to fall out from under me.

 

Start With You. Today.