Root to Rise Therapy's Posts, Helene's Posts, Relationships
Becky White George
When Healthy Love Feels Unsafe

Many people expect that a steady, responsive, emotionally available partner will automatically feel calming. Instead, many people feel tense or suspicious when someone shows up in a genuinely healthy way. This isn’t a personality flaw, it’s a predictable attachment and nervous system response. So why is this?

When Healthy Love Feels Unsafe
Jessica's Posts, Relationships
Becky White George
Sentiment Override

My bag only gets stuck on the door handle when I’m having a bad day. Everyone is super annoying when I’m grumpy. My friend’s irritating boyfriend breathes too loudly. When I’m feeling happy it’s easier to find joy in the smaller everyday moments. Does my inner monologue resonate with you?

Sentiment Override
Lauren's Posts, Self Care & Mindfulness
Becky White George
Shame vs. Guilt

Shame can be one of the most painful and overpowering emotions in the human experience. It can feel intense, overwhelming, and really hard to talk about. Some people believe both guilt and shame are useful emotions that keep us aligned with our values.

Shame vs. Guilt
Ali's Posts, Self Care & Mindfulness
Becky White George
Intuitive Eating: Holidays

When it comes to the holiday season, food is often at the center of the festivities. Throughout history, food has been one of the primary representations of culture, class, comfort, family, and love. With so much food quite literally on the table, it can be easy to fall into whatever habits you may have around food or body image. Whatever your pattern or struggle, Intuitive Eating could be a welcome practice this holiday season.

Intuitive Eating: Holidays
Trauma and Mental Health, Megan's Posts
Becky White George
How to Manage Grief

Whether your loss is recent or something you’ve carried for years, this season can make it especially hard to feel the joy and rest everyone seems to talk about or expect. It can also be hard to identify when grief emerges as it can take on many forms, often showing up quietly at first. When grief rises like this, it can help to shift from resisting it to making space for it. Here are five ways to let go of the metaphorical tug-of-war rope and gently manage grief this holiday season

How to Manage Grief

Relationships

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Marriage Counseling

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Marriage Counseling

Marriage counseling is needed when couples continue to run into the same distressing communication issues or the same problems over and over again, maybe with a slightly different disguise. Oftentimes, we make negative assumptions about the other person’s intentions. In counseling you’ll have an opportunity to practice healthy communication by learning new ways to express your feelings when you’re hurt, and start listening to understand your partner’s perspective. You do not need to have experienced extreme distress to seek marriage counseling. In fact, if you are reading this blog and are interested in improving communication and closeness in your relationship, couples counseling will likely be beneficial.

Marriage counseling can help with trust issues, infidelity, parenting issues, relationship ambivalence, codependency, intimacy issues, financial disagreements, and can also offer a safe space for premarital couples to work out some of these issues before they marry.

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Your Worst Enemy

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Your Worst Enemy

The “double-edged sword” is the concept that the same qualities and characteristics about your personality that make you kickass at work, can also hurt you in your personal life. The very thing that makes you so successful at work can also get the way in your intimate relationships.

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Boundaries

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Boundaries

As an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and someone who constantly seeks growth and understanding of the human condition, I find that breaking down boundary setting into three components is a useful way to guide clients through the process.

The three steps are: Identification, Assertion, and Enforcement.

Step 1– Identify Your Boundaries

How do you build a home without a blueprint? How do you know where to place the windows for others to look in through, or the doors to let them inside? How solid is the foundation and the support of the walls protecting you inside? In order to set boundaries, we need to know what our boundaries are! I like to break down boundaries into physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, time-related… the list can go on! Once I have identified the various levels of boundaries, I connect to my intuition and ask myself questions such as, “How would I like to feel in the presence of others?”, “What are my limits?”, “How do I want to be talked to?”, “How much of my time am I willing to give without sacrificing my own well-being?”, etc. Once I have clearly defined my personal boundaries, I have more clarity on how to communicate them to others.

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Estranged Parents

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Estranged Parents

If a friend came to you for advice about how to move forward in a relationship that was causing them continual distress and pain, what advice would you give them? If you’ve been in therapy before, you’d probably encourage them to start by communicating their feelings. If that doesn’t work, setting boundaries would most likely be the next course of action. If the boundaries were not respected and your friend continued to be hurt, you would start to hint at ending the relationship. This advice feels relatively straightforward in a romantic or companion relationship. But what happens if the relationship that is causing continual distress and pain is with a parent? Does the course of action change? This very question comes up in therapy sessions with adult children regularly, yet rarely without some sense of guilt or shame. In reality, around 27% of adults experience family estrangement that either they or another family member initiates (Karl Pillemer, Fault Lines). So much of the stigma surrounding family estrangement is based upon the assumption that our parents being in our lives is always the best option for our mental health. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. If you are an adult child struggling with having an estranged relationship with a parent, here are some important things to remember:

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Split Ambivalence

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Split Ambivalence

“Splitting the ambivalence” describes the phenomenon that occurs when two people become so polarized in their stances that they are unable to step out of their positions. This occurs in relationships of all forms, but for this conversation I’m going to focus on romantic relationships. As Esther Perel describes it, “people come in with a story that is either/or” and the story becomes ‘I want one thing and my partner wants the opposite’. When one person adamantly says they want one thing, and the other passionately says no, it feels like one partner has 0% doubt and the other is 100% doubtful. Rather than meeting in the middle, one partner takes on one half of the perspective, which polarizes and puts the other half on their partner. I know this can all be a bit confusing in generalities, so here’s an example of how it can play out in couples therapy.

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11 Tips for Online Dating

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11 Tips for Online Dating

From no-shows to no sparks, off-putting behaviors, ghosting and heartbreak, online dating can be a fraught experience. But you can use the tips below to make some thoughtful tweaks, and it can become a wonderful way to meet new people, and maybe even “The One!” As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, I have witnessed hundreds of clients explore online dating who have had experiences ranging from “this was the worst date of my life” all the way to “I’ve finally met my person.”

Not only am I privy to these tales of woe and love as a therapist, I also did quite a bit of online dating myself before I met my husband.

Over many years as a therapist, I have learned some excellent strategies for making dating online a safe, fun, and fruitful experience. Make sure to read through to the end for my most important tip of all!

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"Listen to me!"

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"Listen to me!"

How to get your honey to listen—and actually understand—what you are saying.

How many times have you had the feeling that even though your honey was listening to you, they weren’t actually hearing you? How would you like to learn the secret to effective communication so that you can feel both heard AND understood?

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CBT & Relationship Therapy

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CBT & Relationship Therapy

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) is an evidenced- based treatment that has been shown to significantly reduce depression and anxiety which may be contributing to problems in your relationships.  Frequently, couples come in to session making broad generalizations about one another: “You never listen!” “You always forget to take out the trash”, “Your work is more important to you than I am!”  We then infer meaning from such generalizations such as “You don't love me enough,”  “You are losing interest" or “You don't understand me.”

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Communication in Relationships

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Communication in Relationships

What is healthy communication? How do I know if my partner and I are communicating effectively?

While many of us consider ourselves to be “good listeners”, the truth is that many of us do not really listen.  The skill of Active Listening can move you and your beloved lightyears forward in your ability to communicate effectively with one another.  This series of entries will introduce various tips to improve active listening skills in your relationship.

 

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